I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
