Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
