If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
