I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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