Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
