The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
