i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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