dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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