and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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