I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
