like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's blow job season.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
