butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
where does the pee come out of this thing
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
