I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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