Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
