I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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