I just saw a hot homeless man
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
