For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
