I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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