So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my being single is dangerous.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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