i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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