Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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