so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
