You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
