I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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