are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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