i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
