i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
