note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
