The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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