The best revenge is premature balding
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
