do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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