She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize