My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
