Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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