either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We're too hungover to prance.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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