Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
