I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
