I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
