Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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