Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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