Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
