Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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