you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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