He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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