Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
