dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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