The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
