I just saw a hot homeless man
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
