So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
