She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
