The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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