after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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