toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize