While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
