I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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