You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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