I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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