I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
