...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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