My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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