I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
