take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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