We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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