my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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