i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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