yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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