ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
