3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
