He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
