Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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