Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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