Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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