would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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