I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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