DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
