You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
