that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
