you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
