My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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