Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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