real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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