Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
