but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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