he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
