Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
